The Cost of Forgiveness

She tapped my shoulder, approaching slowly with her doe-eyed expression to say hi.

It cannot be helped - unavoidable; as we attend the same community.

The familiarity of her behavior gave me chills - as if time had warped and brought myself to the 23-year old girl who encountered him in 2013.

Empathetic at all that he was going through with his relationships as he sang his agony. I thought I was consoling his heart, oblivious to the aggravation I have brought onto their relationships. No one told me to stay out of a fragile relationship especially if the party closer to you is of the opposite sex.

No one.

Or so I told myself.

After all, we want to believe that we are good; justify our deeds; vindicate our hearts.

Bruce Lee once said:

"Mistakes are always forgivable, if one has the courage to admit them."

Forgiveness is easy when the other party comes to you apologetic and remorseful.

But what if they are not?

What if they do not even remotely acknowledge that that have hurt you - deeply?

How do you face the reality of them walking with their chins up without the slightest bit of guilt?

How do you forgive the person who crushed your heart, feigned innocence, and threw all of the fault on your shoulder?

I sat quiet in the darkness of my room, darkness of my heart, and truth to be told, I can't.

I have searched my heart, searched my soul, my mind.

The best of myself could not gather enough strength, enough power to overcome the negativity of my emotions. 

I felt defeated.
For even my best effort is no power against the forces of sins.

Yet there it was, the still small voice that transcended the clamoring chaos of my heart, as I curled up at the realization of my smallness.

"My Child, but I have... I am..."
   
He has done... He is here...

My almighty God has made my heart His home.

And because He dwells in me, the anchor of my life is no longer the ailing nature of my heart, but the love of my Jesus who has demonstrated in every way what it means to love and forgive.

My Jesus... betrayed, persecuted, abandoned, by the very people He loves - the sinners - me.

And in spite of it all, as He was suffering on the cross, made us the very reason to press on.

How can my heart not be compelled?

For there is nothing I will do, that Christ Himself hadn't already demonstrated for me.

Or as Andy Stanley puts it (':